Use your diagnosis to transform your life
When we’re faced with the potential that our life might be coming to an end, it can be quite a shock to us and those close to us and the uncertainty of what lies ahead can be very difficult to process. Of course, death is something none of us can avoid but we often believe we have a good portion of life still ahead of us and when faced with an illness that might reduce that drastically, we can be faced with a variety of unexpected emotions. When I relate specifically to my own experience in 2018, I was 34 years old and planning a new chapter in my life after separating from my husband the previous week. I was moving out of the family home, navigating co-parenting and tinder! The day I went to have the lump in my breast checked, the surgeon was pretty certain from the scans that it was cancer and she was expecting the biopsy results to confirm that.
Waiting for the results of that biopsy was the longest 2 weeks of my life. I had the initial shock of a more-than-likely cancer diagnosis which was unexpected, and I was completely unaware of what was ahead of me in terms of treatment, if my cancer had spread, and if my diagnosis was terminal.
However dark it may feel, there is a silver lining. Through the turmoil and the shock in a situation like this, we are presented with a learning opportunity. We can choose to understand ourselves better and decide what is important to us in life and what life actually means to us. After all, what we don’t learn and heal in this lifetime still has to be relived and healed once we cross over to the afterlife so a potentially terminal diagnosis definitely shouldn’t stand in your way of turning inwards and making the most of what’s left.
In this article, I’ve included a quick exercise that can help you use this experience to transform your life. Although this has been written for someone who is at the receiving end of the diagnosis, the exercise is also great for those close to you to complete too.
Feel and acknowledge your emotions
When we first hear news of a potentially life limiting diagnosis, we can’t dictate the outcome of the test and biopsies but we can manage how we respond to the situation. The first step is to let your emotions come through. You might cry, journal, or talk it out but whatever you do, it’s important to understand what you’re feeling. Fear, regret, anger are a few that I personally felt.
Exercise: List the emotions you’re experiencing throughout the day in a column on a page or on an electronic worksheet.
Why am I feeling this way?
Now you’ve been able to identify the emotion you’re feeling, you’ve been presented with something within you that needs to be felt and healed in order to help you transform. Why are you feeling these specific emotions?
Exercise: Alongside the emotions you’ve noted in the left-hand column, document why you’re feeling this way. When I reflect back on my own experience, I was filled with regret as I felt I hadn’t been living life to the fullest and focusing on things that would fulfil me. I guess you could say I was experiencing FOMO (fear of missing out).
What would I change?
We often have regrets in life or things we would do differently once we have a chance to reflect. It can sometimes open up opportunities to make amends but can most definitely impact us on how we live our life moving forward.
Exercise: Add an additional column alongside each emotion on your sheet of paper if you’re using one and consider what realisation you have had. Now you’re faced with a potentially life-limiting diagnosis, what would you change? Using my own experience as an example, I had the realisation that my life wasn’t filled with a lot of meaning. Not because I didn’t have meaningful things in my life but I simply had been choosing to focus on the wrong things. The salary, the brand new car I was sitting in (I’d literally taken delivery of it the day before I was informed of my likely diagnosis), I realised they were material possessions that had no meaning if I was potentially going to be passing over soon. So if these things weren’t important, what was important? For me it was making a difference to people around me and spending time with my daughter and actually living life - leading a life of service.
An opportunity for transformation
We often experience more personal growth when we go through challenges in life. Our traumatic experiences present us with an excellent opportunity to reflect, heal, learn and transform our lives and the lives of those around us. It may feel bitter sweet but our experiences help us grow and help those around us learn the lessons they need to learn in order to transform themselves. “Tough times don’t define you, they refine you”. Regardless of the outcome of your diagnosis, you are being gifted the chance to make what remains of your life more meaningful.
Exercise: When you reflect back on the realistations you’ve had from the emotions you’ve been experiencing, you can make the changes and decide ok, what’s important? Where should I focus my time and energy? What would I change? That book you’ve wanted to write, now might be the time. The family holiday you wanted to take, get booking! My initial diagnosis back in 2018 led me to a change of career, using my corporate coaching experience to become a life coach and I really so I could help others transform their lives the way I had transformed my own.
Conclusion
The only thing left for you to do now is make the changes. No matter how little they are, life is there for us to experience. You might not have the chance to work your way through the whole list but you’ll be able to impact what matters. We are here to learn, to enjoy, to have fun, to love, to help each other and I’d just say that you should never underestimate the legacy your changes will leave behind and how your actions can inspire those closest to you to make the changes to their lives that will help them transform too.
Feel free to get in touch via gemma@guidinglight.guru if you’re interested in considering one of the group coaching programmes or in scheduling 1-2-1 sessions.
